Just a Kiss?

I was mad. No, wait not mad, infuriated! The way he just smiled at me with that handsome shine on his face like he had done nothing, hadn't left for 3 months without even telling me why all the way across the globe, and try to hug me. 3 damn months of constant pacing, constant crying, constant hunger, constant everything! When your best and only guy friend doesn't show at school, then doesn't call, doesn't text, what are you supposed to think other than he's been murdered, kidnapped, or abducted by aliens. Then you find out, from your neighbor, that he'd left all the way to Mexico to do whatever the hell's people have duties to do in Mexico. Never even called me the damn hypocrite. Why do I care is the real question, well here's my answer.

Me and Will have been friends since that first day of 4th grade where I'd been shoved down the large yellow slide by none other than the blonde chick across the street, and landed at the bottom of slide in front of a ruffled bleached blonde haired kid. I could hear the girl's snickering loud and clear like a constant echo in my head. I looked away from the boy standing above me, and up over to the girl's face scrunched up in laughter. Oh, how I hated her. The tears were already coming before the girl had even pushed me, and they stung so horrible, and I remember trying to hold them back. To distract myself from her incessant giggling I looked up back at the boy. I still remember the way his hair looked toppled and mounted so he looked almost messy in that cute kiddish sort of way, and how his eyes were so blue they could have replaced the ocean with their hue of blue. How he'd grabbed my hand and helped me up and on my feet with an indignant look at the girl that was so powerful for a boy his age. The woodchips had crunched under my feet as I stood and grounded myself so I didn't fall, my arm and hand pained by the slide that had rubbed against my skin roughly.

He smiled sadly at me and I examined his strange eyes, his raggedy striped blue and white shirt that had a jelly stain just along the collar, and felt a weird connection almost like the sudden click of a light switch. I'd balanced myself finally, took a step back from him, his and still in mine, pulled away, and ran. The girl had stopped laughing and gasped as she watched the direction I was going, and then I'd felt the tears run freely. The warmth the boy had left in my hand still lingered along with his piercing blue gaze, and I almost flinched at the strange thought that I should turn around and say thank you. My feet led me to the only place that had made sense at the time. The old Wildens Forest, the one place that no girl dared to go, where as boy's on the other hand were literally shoved into the great large terrain.

And now that's exactly where I sat, in the Wildens Forest with a small book in one hand up above my head, the other snug under my neck lifting my head just enough to be comfortable. I lied down with a leg crossed over to the other under a web of branches that crossed above me like a spider'd home. My back felt warm and comfortable lying on the soft grass that was small and comforting like the comfort of a blanket on a cold winters day. Shards of sunlight streamed through the tree branches like broken glass, the branches that reached above me were filled with healthy green leaves that blew in the wind. The warmth seemed to seep into my skin making my blood and skin feel warm and tired in a comfortable sort of way. In all detail, I was really comfortable as you can tell. The world was bright with the going of spring and the coming of summer, the air carrying the smell of flowers, earth, and crisp mid evening air. Although I tried to read my eyes just kept flinging across the page like a ping pong ball, not even reading, my mind too angry and unsettled to get myself to read one word. 3 months was exactly how long he was gone, 3 months, 5 days, and 2 hours.

And yes, I realize I calculated it down to the last minute.

The way that stupid blonde haired jerk just walked up with that bright dimpled smile on his face opening his arms with all of the forgiveness he could give in his eyes. He knew how angry I was, he knew he never called, and he knew that I was hurt beyond repairable. The cars had blared and zoomed past us as we just stood there outside of the academy, my arms crossed, his arms open in a hopeful embrace. An embrace he quite frankly didn't deserve. I'd pushed him away as rough and scornful as I could and stormed off, afraid someone would see steam coming from my ears. I went to the only place that made sense, just like I did in 4th grade, off to the forest that me and Will had made our second home. I could just see now the tree where we traced out names with a needle into the dark bark of the tree, out names outlined by the lighter inner layer of the tree. My name and his side by side, together just as we always were, never apart. He was after all the only friend I'd ever had.

My phone had buzzed in my pocket about 5 five times, and I just ignored it because I knew it would be him begging for me to forgive him. Yeah, anyone would just forgive someone for leaving 3 months without calling or telling you. That makes total sense, if you can't see the sarcasm in my words. The birds communicated above me in a chirping frenzy, the words on the book blurred by my sudden tears. I'd held them back up until now and I wanted him to come, no matter how hard I tried to make my heart stop wanting him. God, how I hated him. I shut my eyes in hope of blinking back the tears but they only came quicker streaming down my face in a constant river. I held the book up again and began to force myself to read in hopes of making the tears stop by distracting myself, when I heard a stick snap. My head shot up on instinct and my eyes darted away just as fast when I saw him standing only steps away from me. Of course he'd know I go here, him and I did after all practically live here.

"Please listen," he started but I'd already turned my head and began to read again, my back still lying on the grass suddenly tense and uncomfortable. I prayed he couldn't see any kind of swell in my eyes that suggested I'd been crying. I heard him laugh softly, and I felt anger burst in my heart. How dare he laugh when he knows I'm so hurt, and God I sound like such a Diva right now. He stepped closer and I didn't look but felt him kneel beside me and peeked just enough to see his hair was darker, his eyes all the more bluer and filled with horrible guilt. My heart contracted but only for a moment before the anger took it's place again. The pressure of his knee against the side of my leg made my heart speed up at an alarming pace. "You always seem to escape to your books when your mad." He was right, every time I grabbed a book it was driven by emotion whether it was anger, sorrow, happiness, or even boredom, a book was the first thing I looked to confide in next to him. He scooted closer and rose his head above my book and all I could see was him no matter how hard I tried to focus on the book.

"Dammit can't a girl just read," I hissed under my breathe. He laughed at that and if I hadn't been so mad I would've smiled at that too. I lifted my head, my book still above my head, and said to him,

"Why in the hell did you leave without telling me?" The sparkle in his eyes was gone and his laugh drifted off like a cloud, until it was dead silent. I examined his hair that had become darker with strands of dirt blonde making him look older. His eyes were bright and large as always, but tired like he hadn't slept in years. When he spoke his voice was quiet, almost hesitant,

"Because, I knew if I called you it would only make it harder to leave." his answer at first confused me, my anger driving me almost to the point of madness, before I understood with a stubborn realization. He didn't want to, because it hurt him just as much as it hurt me not to know. I almost hugged him but stopped myself and asked him leniently,

"It's just me," but I knew that that answer was far from correct. A certain tenseness suddenly took hold of his eyes making him look more serious than I'd ever seen him. He leaned closer towards me, pulling himself up above and I hoped he couldn't hear my heart beat. I saw his left leg stretch out full length to balance himself and a thought crossed my mind wondering why? He stretched one hand alongside to hold himself up above me his arm bent next to his ribs, his hand flat on the ground, his other hand suddenly to my surprise, stretching next to my shoulder until he leaned on his elbow that was next to my cheek. I felt the cloth of his white uniform trace my cheek and I felt blood rush to my face. He was so close now I could feel the warm stir of his breathe against my nose, tickling me. I was breathing hard now, and my mind was scattered like puzzle pieces.

"No," he whispered, "it's not 'just you.' If only you knew how much you meant to me." his words made my heart turn to ice, my blood felt frozen. His hand that was next to my head brushed away strands of hair from my face, the gesture making me feel shivers crawl down my skin like spiders. My eyes scanned the angles of his face, the brush of his soft hair that was now touching my head, and how deep his eyes were this close. It was like I was swimming. I didn't notice as I had been examining his eyes that he was suddenly closer if that was even possible, and felt myself tense. Something in my heart knew what was going to happen, and knew that it felt somewhat real. I didn't know why I didn't just push him, but my hands were frozen, my hand stuck to the book...The book!

Just as eyes were the only thing I could see, the book covered my lips, and his head backed away with a smile. I lifted an eyebrow at him and muffled through the book,

"I think I know now." he laughed and his eyes sparked again, the starlight dancing in his eyes like water. I smiled for the first time since he came back, and the book hid it. The hand that had touched my face was flat against the ground next to my head lifting him up. I looked over and I saw his watch glinting in the sunlight, the shine making me flinch with blindness. I shook my head slightly and looked up again, and with a burst of sureity I moved the book away from my lips, gently placing it on the ground next to me. With a sly smile he sneakily came close again. He saw the opportunity and just as I was about to grab the book again his lips were against mine. The world froze, the silence so loud it made my ears pop. My whole body enflamed, fire bursting in my stomach making me warm. His lips felt so gentle and soft it was like kissing the sky.

That is, if the sky did have any kind of touch.

His hand cupped my cheek and my hand was suddenly touching his face, his face warm and close. I was drowning in the kiss like his water bidden eyes, holding me under, but this kind of drowning was kind. His lips searched my mouth, exploring the feeling, my own lips and heart incredulous of the feel of his mouth against mine. My eyes had fluttered shut long before, fireworks bursting on my eyelids, the darkness hardly hiding the ever so present feeling of him over me. His thumb made circles next to the bone by my eye, the gentle feel of his callused hand making my heart rate almost unhealthy. My own hands were wringing his neck gently, the feeling of his veins pulsing underneath his skin new. I'd never felt or touched anyone like I did now, and it felt perfect with him. The scattered pieces in my head had all come together forming the perfect picture. He pulled back gently, my lips becoming warm. My eyes popped open in shock and confusion. His eyes looked scared and nervous.

My hands hovered above my head just inches from his neck, unsure of what to do anymore. His thumb was still next to my eye, but not doing circles anymore. He still dangled above me, and I suddenly felt okay with it. His eyes lingered on my eyes, my nose, then my lips again and I laughed suddenly. He laughed briskly, his smile weak and unsure as my hands next to his neck. His hand that was placed next to my hand trailed down til it cradled my chin, and he smiled so jovially it was like the sun. I smiled and he leaned down again. Before he concealed my lips I whispered to him,

"Well, this changes everything."

He just smiled.